Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I swear, I'm a good parent.

The other day, as I was nursing Evelyn and stroking her back and head as I am wont to do, my hand got kinda wet and sticky. "Weird," I thought to myself, "Usually when she spits up it comes from her mouth, and not the middle of her back." Then I noticed that the spit-up in question was yellow and kinda gooey. And originated in her diaper region. (Nobody ever claimed that I'm quick on the uptake after seven weeks of sleep deprivation.)

Internet, I present to you our daughter, Evelyn Summer, aka "The Super Pooper." Of course, I bathed and changed her right away. Right away, after our little photo shoot.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Cheeks! OMG!

As promised, the cheeks that launched a thousand ships. Alex and I have been known to come to blows over who gets to chow down on them at any given time. Can you blame us?

Friday, October 16, 2009

One month

Dear Evelyn,

Happy birthday, little girl! You are now one very big month old. I can't believe that it's only been 30 days since you were born; it feels like a lifetime. That kinda makes sense, though. Since now I wake up 2 or 3 times per day instead of just once, it's like having 2 or 3 times the amount of mornings! Or something.

You've changed our lives forever, and that's becoming more and more evident every day. I can't imagine doing anything but rushing over to your crib to kiss you and pick you up when I wake up every morning. Not so much at 3:30 in the morning, though. Sorry, you're cute, but not quite that cute. I've also never had someone spit up on my face before, or intentionally caught spraying baby poop with my hand. There's always something new with you, pumpkin pie.

You don't even look the same! You've gained a ridiculous three and half pounds, and grown two full inches which puts you in the 95th and 90th percentile for weight and height for your age. The tiny infant that we first brought home from the hospital is gone. What happened to her? She was so small that the straps on the car seat were a little too big even when they were tightened as far as they'd go. We've already had to loosen them up to make room for your chubby baby belly, and we're going to have to raise the shoulder straps soon.

It's taken a month, but your old Mom and Dad are adjusting, just like you are. We've left the house on a number of occasions now, and we've gotten our getting ready to leave time down to under two hours! We can't wait to see what you'll do next, and see how you figure out how to make us fall even more in love with you. It's hard to believe that we could love you any more than we do now, but every day you seem just a little more wonderful. Thank you, baby. You're amazing.

Your parents

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

She's walking!

Okay, so she's really not walking at all, obviously. She's still practicing turning her head back and forth to follow our faces, and that's giving her enough of a challenge. Still, there is this cool reflex that infants have called the step reflex, so when we hold her up by her armpits and put her feet down on the ground, she'll sometimes take 4 or 5 steps. The other day Alex came home from work and I tried to convince him that I had taught her to walk in one day. He didn't quite buy it, and now I really regret telling him about the step reflex. He would have thought I was the best stay at home mom EVER.

Judging by the goose-strangling sounds coming from the crib, Evelyn is about to wake up, which means that I have to make a PB&J* and fill a bunch of glasses with water and stash them around the apartment, because when she awakes, there is no paying attention to anything but her. There is no putting her down for a minute while I pour myself a drink: she demands that two hands be holding her at all times! And I must chatter to her and make eye contact constantly. She may not appear to be paying attention, but if I stop, she will know, and there will be screaming! We may go for a walk in the stroller, but her highness decrees that the dog MUST NOT stop and relieve himself, for that would make the stroller ride stop, and then, she has no choice but to scream.

It's tough being a dictator. After her afternoon nap, I've got to log her into her online support group with Kim Jong-il and Gaddafi. It's a good thing they're there for each other.

*Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are pretty much all I've eaten since Alex has gone back to work. They take about 45 seconds to prepare, they can be eaten one handed, they can be put down when screaming infants attack and still taste good in an hour, and they're filling. Thank you, peanut butter... I don't know what I'd do without you.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

We're back!

No pictures, no posting; I'm so lame, I know. By golly, all I've been doing lately is figuring out how to take care of a miniature human, doing absurd amounts of laundry (this kid can really poop), and oh yeah, MOVING. With a TWO WEEK OLD. We're done, thankfully, although by "done" I mean "I know where my toothbrush and deodorant are and that's good enough for me because the baby is crying. Again."

Actually, moving wasn't that bad. We had a ton of friends and one sister to help us, and other than the fact that the baby was enraged by the inconvenience of it all and screamed for most of the day, it was probably the smoothest move I've ever experienced. Still, even with a pack of awesome people to help and plenty of time, I would not put Move With A Newborn on my list of things that I ever want to experience ever, ever again.

The main reason that the move wasn't so bad was that as stressful and difficult as it was, I was no longer breaking down and sobbing constantly. That passed on about day 12, and I've never been more relieved. The first 12 days post-partum were probably the worst few days of my life. It's awful that I'm describing the first days with my baby that way, and I feel guilty for even thinking it, but there it is. Way to go, evolution. Whose idea was it to mess with the hormones and brain chemicals of women who just gave birth? As if having an infant isn't difficult enough, Nature decides to go and take away all of your serotonin for a couple of weeks, too. Hey, Nature? I need that serotonin to feel happy. When you take it and most of my estrogen away in the space of a few hours, it makes me cry. And have horrible sweaty hot flashes. And have crushing anxiety that keeps me awake even though I had only been getting about 3 hours of sleep a night. I didn't even have real post-partum depression; that's way worse, and lasts for way longer. This was just the very typical "baby blues." I think I might have to strangle whoever came up with the name "baby blues." I'm starting a petition to rename it "The Horrible, Devastating, Crushing Time That You Think May Never End But Then It Does And Every Morning You Wake Up And Are Happy Again Is Like A Twenty That You Find In Your Old Jacket Pocket." Much better.

So anyway, the internet is back as of yesterday, so look for pictures of Evelyn's rapidly expanding cheeks soon. She's not kidding around. Those things could squash Detroit.