Cash finally caught one of his many outdoor nemeses last night, Mr. Skunk. And by caught, I mean, got close enough to get sprayed in the face with the most noxious substance I have ever smelled in my life. If any of you have not had the distinct and unforgettable pleasure of smelling a fresh skunk spray, let me assure you that it barely resembles that whiff that you get on the highway from smooshed skunks. It smells like a mixture of burning rubber, poop, and that chemical that hairdressers use to do perms. And Dear Baby Jesus, is it strong. I think that all the little hairs that line my nostrils have been singed off, very possibly permanently.
After all these years of chasing after ducks, squirrels, rabbits, and especially geese, he finally decides to quit messing around, and goes toe to toe (nose to butt gland, I suppose) with a SKUNK. Let's pretend like we're ESPN, and take a closer look at the matchup: Greyhound - top speed 45 mph, which they can reach in 30 feet. Skunk - waddles around on weeny stumpy legs near-sightedly looking for bugs. Greyhound - 75 lbs., about 2 feet tall. Skunk - 4 lbs., about 6 inches tall. Greyhound - a member of the canine family, humankind's smartest animal companion for eons. Skunk - well... not that smart.
The score? Greyhound, 0, Skunk, 1.
So here's a PSA, dogs. You know those weird stripey cats? The ones that look really fun and easy to chow down on? Well, they've pretty much been kicking your asses for eternity. Time to lay off. Seriously.