Today was supposed to be an easy morning. I had an appointment at the optometrist, (and AUGH, I have an astigmatism! Stupid expensive contacts...) so I wasn't even HOME until ten! Evelyn is a particularly advanced creature, though, and managed to pack more mayhem into the next two hours than a whole rugby team on PCP. I'll keep it short for you, and only tell you about the HOUR it took to get her dressed.
So it was time to change her out of her sleeper, mostly because we've got tons of adorable outfits, and must wear at least two per day to go through them all before she outgrows them. I put her on her changing table, and during the 4.8 seconds that her l'il bottom was diaper free, she peed. Unfortunately, yesterday she did the same thing TWICE, so I was down to her last changing pad. No problem, today was laundry day. I managed to wedge her into her outfit despite her insistence on eating the darn thing, and we went into the living room to play, which lasted for literally two minutes until she started grunting like a grumpy gorilla. Being the good Mama that I am, I laid her down on her back so that things could move along, and hoo boy! move along they did. The kid exploded. Everywhere. Probably the biggest poop we've had in a month. (She may look like Alex, but...)
I plunked her on her last clean changing pad, and started scraping her down. (I figured another bath was in order when I saw she had gotten poo on both elbows and her leg.) While I was undressing her for her bath, she peed on her changing table. Again.
After her bath, I put her in her crib, but while she was (thankfully) still wrapped up in her towel, more pee! Seriously? I slapped a diaper on her before she could decorate her room any further, and went to get her dressed. Like I mentioned, it was laundry day, so the first onesie I grabbed had been way down in her pile and was too small. So was the second. At this point, I was worried about her getting cold*, so I brought her back over to the uncovered changing pad. The thing was, I had wiped it down, what with all the pooping and peeing from earlier, and it was still a little damp and uncovered. You'd be surprised to find that undressed Evelyn does NOT like being put on cold, wet, plastic-covered changing pads. Weird! So she howled, and I picked her up and managed to get her dressed in my lap while trying to soothe her.
Anyway, she recovered, I found some clothes that fit her, and then washed the poop off the couch. And then I stuffed her in the closet so that I could drink my bourbon in peace. What did YOU do this morning?
*You might be wondering, why not just wrap her in a blanket? HA! Why don't YOU try to pin a corsage to a tornado?